In Poor Taste - But It Sure Appeals To My Warped Sense of Humour.

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The Big Dollop has a fairly good sense of humour and has in the past been known for making his friends the subject of some practical jokes, however as much I would love to try this one out, the consequences of doing so would not been seen in a positive light by the authorities, never the less although it's in poor taste- it does appeal to my warped sense of humour.

Imagine if you will, boarding a plane for a long haul flight and being seated next to the biggest loud mouth jerk on the plane who just wont be quiet - you could always try the following .

1. Take out your laptop.
2. Slowly open your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make certain your neighbour is watching.
5. Open your Internet browser.
6 Close your eyes for a few moments, open them and then look up to the sky, or the heavens if you will.
7. Breathe deeply and open this site:
8. Then have a look at the expression on your neighbour’s face – it would almost be worth all the shit that would come reigning down on your head for doing so – LOL

The Proposed Sale of The Port Of Dover - Crazy!

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This morning I read in various media outlets that the UK Government are proposing to sell the port of Dover to the French in order to raise £350 million as part of a hopeless attempt to address the £830 billion national debt – a debt incurred through the totally ham-fisted handling of the economy run into the ground by this incompetent shower of shysters masquerading as a Government.

The Big Dollop realises that many ports in the UK are already owned by foreign corporations and have been for the best part of 20 years now – back in 1993 when John Major was Prime Minister some of the major ports in the UK were sold off under the 1991 Ports Act, but as I recall, Dover was retained because of uncertainty over how construction of the Channel Tunnel might affect it.

It is simply incredible for Mr Brown and his cohorts in Government to even consider selling the port of Dover to anyone – let alone the French, has he really no idea of the strength of outrage from people living in the South East of England if such a proposal were to come to fruition?

What the labour party have failed to realise is the deep sense of paranoia ripping out of a fair percentage of the English Electorate especially in the overcrowded Home Counties who will never accept Mr Brown as a legitimate Prime Minister, even if he were to somehow lead Labour to a forth time in office in the forthcoming election.

There are many people south of the border who see the present Labour Government as nothing more than a Scottish Raj and deeply resent the fact that 41 Scottish labour MPs consistently vote in matters pertaining to English issues only in order to facilitate a majority for the Government benches, when it comes to passing legislation. – these concerns are totally legitimate in my opinion.

Another factor which the proposed sale of the port of Dover will alienate the Labour party further from the electorate in the South of England is the notion that the illegal immigration of thousands of foreign nationals will somehow be enhanced if the day to day "administration" of the port of Dover is handed over to the French authorities, all you have to do is read the comments sections of the various newspapers reporting the proposed sale to realise this.

The irony of the fact that Mr Brown is employing the exact same policies as one Margaret Thatcher did 30 years ago when she was said to have sold of the family “silverware” has been conveniently overlooked by Mr Brown’s critics, however that does not detract from the fact that with an election just over the horizon, one would think there must be some one in the Labour Government with enough brain matter to put the brakes on these idiotic announcements of a contentious nature which does very little to persuade those who may be undecided in which candidate/ party they intend to cast their ballot for come the time of the General Election.

Weatherman Freaks Out at The Prospect of Snowmageddon

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During the past few weeks we here in Scotland have been on the receiving end of some fairly inclement weather in the form of snow and ice which was prevailing for the best part of the month of January.

Bearing this in mind perhaps we can have an inkling into the current weather system affecting the North East coast line of the USA where according to reports in various media outlets this weekend - the people there are expecting anything up to 20 inches of snow in what President Obama has termed as “Snowmageddon.”

Watching the weatherman freak out in the following video had the Big Dollop laughing out loud as I can only too well appreciate the sense of foreboding he is about to endure.

Enjoy the video – its superb viewing.

E-Bay Says That Dads Army Is Promoting Racial Hatred - WTF

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The Big Dollop, being of a certain age was brought up at a time when the UK had a basic three television channels to watch and has fond memories of many programmes from the 1970’s.

It must be acknowledged that programmes made in that era would more than likely never see the light of day in 2010 mainly because what was thought of as being funny then, would now be seen as being somewhat politically incorrect today.

Mainly because of changing attitudes in British society, programmes like Love Thy Neighbour, Till Death Do Us Part and Mind Your Language would just not be allowed on British television, therefore the Big Dollop was rather surprised to see that the internet giant E-Bay have had to apologise to one of its clients after blocking the sale of a “Dads Army” board game because in their opinion it promoted racial hatred.

The client was informed that his LOT was classified as “offensive material” because of the Swastikas printed on the box cover could foster violence and hatred, as well as racial or religious intolerance.

This is Dads Army we are talking about here; my only recollection of that television programme featuring a connotation which could be thought of as being remotely racist, was when old lance corporal Jones (played by Clive Dunn) referred to his time in the boar war fighting the fuzzy wuzzies.

It is political correctness gone mad for E-Bay to ban this client from selling a box game just because the graphics on the box cover depicted pictures of little swastikas - even Captain Mainwaring was never that incompetent.

Introducing Akbar Zeb - Pakistan’s Big Man In Saudi Arabia

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The Big Dollop came across this story whilst surfing the various news outlets online which it has to be said, brought a wry smile to my face .

The story featured a diplomatic proposal to appoint a new ambassador from Pakistan to Saudi Arabia which was rejected for what we here in westernised society would probably consider - the silliest of reasons.

The diplomat at the centre of this rather bizarre story goes by the name of Akbar Zeb who in spite of serving many years in the diplomatic service of Pakistan is apparently persona non grata – a situation which has nothing to do with his distinguished credentials but believe it or not - everything to do with his name.

Ambassador Zeb cannot receive the necessary accreditation from the Saudi authorities because they are offended by his name - his name in fact translates in to “Biggest Dick” in Arabic.

Apparently the Saudi foreign ministry were too embarrassed to tell the Pakistani authorities the real reason behind the snub which resulted in Pakistan getting the idea that the US had somehow influenced the decision.

Given that the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain had previously refused to accept him for a similar position, the Big Dollop is somewhat astonished that a large country like Pakistan doesn't appear to have the gravitas before hand to realise a basic understanding of the Arabic language and thereby, exercise due diligence for the sensitivities of Arab values before proposing an ambassador with such a name.

A true case if ever there was - where the real meaning of the word was not lost in translation.

A Viable Replacement For The Renfrew Ferry ?

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Recently it was announced by the Strathclyde Partnership for Transport (SPT) that because of the harsh financial climate they had come to a reluctant decision to announce the closure of the ferry in March of 2010 which crossed the river Clyde between Renfrew and Yoker, thereby ending a essential transport link which has been present there for the best part of 500 years.

The news of such a closure did not bode well with the people who used the ferry on a daily basis in order to get to their place of employment on the other side of the river for the harsh reality which faced them was a lengthy detour either by using the Erskine Bridge or by the Clyde Tunnel with both options making the viability of sustaining their present employment financially untenable.

However going by a report in some of today’s newspapers there just may be a possibility that the ferry could be saved, albeit in a strange and quite unique manner.

The bus company - Stagecoach - are seriously thinking about taking up the option of providing a service for crossing the 200 meter stretch of water by the innovative use of a bus - cum boat called an Amfibus as a feasible replacement for the Renfrew ferry.

The Amfibus runs like a normal coach on the road but when in water uses a hull to float and is powered by twin jets - it will use existing slipways used by the Renfrew Rose and Yoker Swan ferries- running by road from the Braehead shopping centre it will then switch to twin water jets as it runs down the slipway into the river at Renfrew, the vehicle will then re-emerge at Yoker before completing its journey to Clydebank.

If Stagecoach were to implement a service using the Amfibus, it would be the first use in the UK of such a vehicle for commuters, as previously the technology has only been used for leisure and excursions in the tourist industry.

The Anger of The Silent Majority

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The Big Dollop had the rare treat of a night out for a beer or two recently in the company of friends where the discussion over the delights of a curry for once was not about the conditions currently prevailing in Scottish football; surprisingly it was politics and the forthcoming general election that was the main topic of conversation.

To enlighten the small but erudite band of denizens who grace the pages of the Big Dollop blog on a fairly consistent basis, I must point out that my social acquaintances are not what could be in any way described as being anything like radical.

Being employed in various occupations like the police, Fire fighting and teaching professions they are by and large, a calm group, patient, friendly, almost docile in their decency, I say almost because from the antipathy resulting from the discussion we enjoyed it is more than obvious my friends are not too happy with the current Government and their rather crude attempt to govern the country in a manner which very few of them expressed any degree of confidence in.

During our conversations the subject of the judiciary was brought up, with many of my friends expressing the opinion that prison sentences did not tend to reflect the seriousness of the crime, with many commenting on the policy of letting people out of prison after completing only 2/3rds of their sentence as being something of a joke, indeed by consensus it was agreed that life should mean life when it involved a crime of premeditated murder, it is simply not acceptable that life has come to mean 15 years in the UK, with up to one third off for good behaviour.

Surprisingly, my group of friends were not in favour of the reinstatement of capitol punishment except in cases such as the 7/7 atrocity in London when 56 people were killed by Islamic terrorists.

Having a recently retired police officer in our company, the conversation got round to the role the police play in today’s society with many of my friends of the mind set that the police are no longer servants of the community but somehow roped in to do the dirty work of the state.

The recent case involving the motorist fined for blowing his nose in his car highlighted a lack of respect for the police in so far as the public’s faith in the fairness and transparency of the police force had been eroded so much that many in my group of friends expressed an open reluctance to assist the police in anything pertaining to protecting other peoples life and property.

To be fair to my retired police constable friend, he did say that the job had changed with much of his time being taken up with paper work which he put down to a managerial adherence to political correctness rather than the continuance of a pro -active agenda to maintain law and order and the protection of the citizenry.

Another subject brought up was the current ongoing carry on in Afghanistan with particular reference to the number of losses sustained by the UK military, whilst all of my friends expressed their support for our boys in battle, many were disillusioned that we are losing soldiers on a daily basis with no end in sight to what many view as a pointless conflict in a far away land.

The argument given by Gordon Brown that we are fighting them over there so we don’t have to fight them here was seen for what it is – absolute bullshit.

Indeed the mismanagement of the prosecution of the Taliban with regards to the lack of proper equipment needed to get the job done rankled with my friends –so whilst there is total belief in and admiration for the efficiency and bravery of our armed forces, my group of friends are less than impressed with the gutless politicians responsible for placing them in harms way under resourced and improperly equipped – Lions led by donkeys was a phrase well quoted.

Unsurprisingly the state of economy came up for conversation, a topic which brought almost universal agreement in so far as we were all of the opinion the Labour government had made a pigs ear out of running, the expenses fiasco and arrogance personified by our so called elected MP’s in Westminster – that along with the furore over bankers bonuses were two subjects which didn’t go down too well with my friends either.

It was agreed that the taxes imposed on us for our fuel for our cars was grotesquely high and something should be done about reducing it – many thought the current debate on climate change was being used as a piss poor excuse to raise extra tax revenues for the chancellor of the exchequer.

The cost of maintaining our homes in so far as the obscene rises in such utilities as gas and electricity was considered as being just another rip off, acerbated by the fact that no one in our group had received a pay rise which would at least half way to equal the basic increment in the annual cost of living.

If the silent majority in this country are in agreement with the opinions as expressed by my small group of friends enjoying a debate over a few light refreshments, then Gordon Brown and his government are going to be held accountable where it matters most – at the ballot box on May 6th, somehow I get the impression Mr Brown's coat might be on a shaky hook in the hallway of Number 10.

The Word "Duplicity" Springs to Mind

Watching sky news this morning, an item which caught the attention of The Big Dollop featured a man and wife from the UK who have been held in captivity by Somali pirates for the best part of three months now.

Paul and Rachael Chandler were captured by pirates as they sailed their yacht some 300 miles from the Somalia coast line back in October of last year, with the pirates initially demanding a ransom somewhere in the region of 7 million dollars for their safe return.

During that time the pirates have come to understand that the Chandlers are in no position to raise anything near that amount and have since reduced their demands to a paltry 100 000 dollars, which as far as ransoms go - is peanuts.

For an ordinary couple like the Chandlers with no viable assets other than their yacht which the pirates are already in possession off, the prospects of a successful resolution to the situation they are now enduring is no better today than it was on the fateful day in October last year when they were first captured.

The Big Dollop having watched the report on sky news is of the opinion that the images of the Chandlers leave a lot to be desired – although I feel that they were foolhardy to ignore the advice of people to consider an alternative route on their departure from the Seychelles, one can not feel nothing but compassion for the sorry state they now find themselves in.

It is all very well to criticize the UK Government for their apparent indifference to their plight, but in reality their hands are tied, for if they were to comply with the kidnappers’ demands for the payment of a ransom then the precedent would be set to effectively give a green light for further kidnappings on British citizens, yet to remain indifferent and aloof to their situation will almost certainly end with the sad demise of the Chandlers.

Perhaps I would be more comfortable with the position given by the UK Government had they not announced last week they were prepared to pay money to the Taliban in Afghanistan to lay down their arms yet refuse to pay a nominal ransom for the safe return of two of its citizens.

The word Duplicity springs to mind.

The Police and Common Sense - An Interesting Paradox

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The Big Dollop once again is shaking his head in disbelief at the lead story in today's Daily Record who reported on the bizarre case of a motorist who was on the receiving end of a fixed penalty fine of £60 and an endorsement of three points placed on his driving license when he was charged with not being in control of his car.

This is a ludicrous charge arising from four over zealous police officers forming the opinion that the driver of the car was in violation of the road traffic act for the "serious crime" of blowing his nose as he sat in his car whilst he was caught up in a traffic jam - the fact that his car was stationary with the hand break applied was slightly lost on the idiotic police officers who incredibly, still went ahead and issued the fixed penalty citation.

It is nothing short of astonishing that the procurator fiscal should give this charge the time of day - the four police officers who were present when this alleged crime took place need to have a right good look at themselves in the mirror and ask seriously themselves how they can possibly justify the reasoning behind (what the vast majority of Joe Public would deem as farcical) their decision to prosecute this motorist for participating in the self indulgent act of blowing his nose.

The decision to prosecute this individual for such a trivial matter just beggars belief and does very little to engender any degree of trust and confidence in the propriety of HM's police force's, UK wide.

The police officers concerned in this sorry saga honestly need to catch a grip of themselves and endeavour to try at least, to go about their profession in a manner which will not alienate HM's police force any more than it already is - surely there must be some career minded criminals perpetrating crimes - real crimes - in need of being arrested somewhere.

Crime against the person and property is rife in many parts of UK society, yet we have a man being prosecuted to the full extent of the law for blowing his nose whilst sitting in his stationary vehicle in a traffic jam - Unbelievable - just fricking unbelievable!

In all sincerity, is it any wonder that Joe Public is understandably frustrated when (by consensus) ridiculous fines of this nature are dished out willy nilly by apparently brain dead law enforcement officers for the most trivial and insignificant of reasons.

Only in the UK ? - I wonder.

Austrailia Day

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The Big Dollop would just like to take a moment to acknowledge the small band of visitors from Perth and Melbourne in Australia who regularly grace the Big Dollop's blog with their patronage.

Today I believe is Australia day therefore I would like to express my hope that today has been a rewarding experience for my visitors from down under and that they have enjoyed a wonderful holiday with their respective families and friends.

Happy Australia Day